I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious.

Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous.

Behind a smoke screen of high-profile female appointees and soothing slogans, George W. Bush is waging war on women.

Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman

Oh, hell, I can’t go on a spiritual journey—I'm constipated.

Imagine wasting all that perfectly good anger on paranoid fantasies. Not since Emily Litella got upset about "Soviet jewelry" has there been such a waste of anger. You will notice a certain theme to these Emily Litella Moments. Behind them all is a touching faith that someone, somewhere is actually in charge of what's happening - a proposition I beg leave to doubt.

I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.