I wanted to tell people, "My depression is acting up today" as an excuse for not seeing them, but I never managed to pull it off.

I wasn’t gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.

Depression starts slow.

I had fooled myself into thinking that I was something important to the rest of the world.

That's what gets me through the day. Knowing that I could do it. That I'm strong enough to do it and I can get it done.

Dr. Barney stared at me, his lips puckered. What was he so serious about? Who hasn’t thought about killing themselves, as a kid? How can you grow up in this world and not think about it?

We look into each other's eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.