It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

I don't like losing the words, as you have to, when I'm asked to turn a play into a movie. It's not a matter of ego . . . I'm just better able to create the character for an audience through words rather than through actions.

Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

Standing on a ledge again. Everyone laughs at dancing monkey with the typewriter. Not for long, though.

Baptists are only funny underwater.