It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it.

It's always painful when you're writing memoirs because you've got to go through the dark places, but it gives you a chance to find out the person you really are, not the person you thought you were.

I don't use computers... I'm someone who needs to see the page right away in my hand.