It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you're sixty-five you get social security.

Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today.

Once you've opened yourself up, it's best to go all the way.

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

I feel like writing about a time when I was probably, and think all of us are, the happiest before the obligations start in.