When we think of an actor, we think of a tanned, frosted-tipped, model-looking guy. We don't think of a plumber.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful.

Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis.

Turn off your computer and go out of doors. Dig a large enough hole to transplant a mature apple tree. Nurture the tree, feed it, coddle it so that its fruit will be ample, bright and firm. Practice open-hand strikes against the rough bark of the trunk until it's time to harvest. Choose the champion of your apple crop, pluck it from the tree, and beat yourself about the face and tits with it until your mettle will suffice.

Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.

I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good.