The first thing I do, after I talk with the director and we agree that I'm going to do the role... My jumping off point is I get a picture of what my 'look' will be. My wardrobe style, my facial hair, glasses and all that kind of stuff.

The key, I would say to any fledgling humorist starting out, is to make sure that sloppiness is part of your recipe. That way they come to expect fumbling and clumsiness and they say, "Oh, it must be a charming part of his personality."

Before people figured out I was funny, I got cast quite a bit as either a rapist or serial killer or the guy who catches those people.

I never went too long without a job. The problem was a lot of the early jobs are almost more demoralizing than unemployment.

My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to me that was masculinity: big hairy sweaty guys who could pick up a bus.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.