When I first met with agents, they said, "Okay, you're going to play plumbers and mechanics and bus drivers and farmers. Go."

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.

Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!

I'm very hairy, and men in film and TV are no longer allowed to be hairy.

We're cognizant, curious beings, capable of philosophical thought, nuclear physics, repeating Nerf weapons, global consciousness, Glade air fresheners, and sentient automobiles. But we're assholes first.

I think all these great comforts that come from the human condition of trying to make things easier on ourselves also have these pitfalls, where things become so easy that we forget how enjoyable building a fence can be.