I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

I've been working steadily as an actor since around 1998. I wasn't well known in the public, but I was a dependable working journeyman.

I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.

Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!

Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.

If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.