I've been working steadily as an actor since around 1998. I wasn't well known in the public, but I was a dependable working journeyman.

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

I always drastically changed my look for each role. It's gotten a little tedious in real life, also, because there's no hiding.

The key, I would say to any fledgling humorist starting out, is to make sure that sloppiness is part of your recipe. That way they come to expect fumbling and clumsiness and they say, "Oh, it must be a charming part of his personality."

I'm a very intermediate sax player, but now that Rob Lowe is on my show, I had to cop to him. Like, 'Dude your ridiculous fake sax playing [in St. Elmo's Fire] inspired me to pick up a horn.'

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.