You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the Starbucks and wait for your agent to call you, or you can go learn how to build a Shaker blanket chest with hand-cut dovetails.

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as we've developed technology.

My wife happens to be probably the greatest working woman in comedy. I can't think of anyone who even approaches her achievements and her abilities.

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.

I've never seen a theater community to rival that of Chicago. Neither New York nor L.A. has the raw talent or integrity that Chicago theater has, and I think it's because Chicago doesn't have Broadway or the film and TV business to distract it.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?