I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.

I don't know if people really care about my opinion on things or how I come up with things, and maybe that's an insecurity and why we're comedians in the first place, so I think with that you keep doing the material, you keep trying to be funny cause you think that's all you're wanted for.

I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I had about the same subject.

I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.

You need to update your blog a couple of times a week. You need to post a Twitter here and there. It feels so dumb to say that stuff, but it's important for me to keep that presence going.