It's no good pacing up and down. It won't make the plane arrive any faster. Just sit down and accept that we're delayed. You're just making a fool of yourself.

It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I have a selfish absorption in the well-being and achievement of Noel Coward.

I don't think pornography is harmful, but it is terribly, terribly boring.

To take a gloomy view of life is not part of my philosophy; to laugh at the idiocies of my fellow creatures is. However, at this particular moment I cannot find so much to laugh at as I would like.

I write at high speed because boredom is bad for my health.