Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.

There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.

Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.

I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.

I'm a mischievous drunk.

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.