I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?

They call me the confuser. Is he a man... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.

Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.