Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.

The odd thing about this form of communication is you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many... somethings. So, thanks.

I have for many years been puzzled by the persistence of Hugh Hefner. Why is he still here?

Whenever someone says the words 'Our friendship is more important than this,' watch out, because it almost never is.

I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Everybody I know who goes out and plays a little softball, they break their leg.