[on his deathbed in a Paris hotel room] Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.

As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.

Men know life too early. Women know life too late. That is the difference between men and women.

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want.

Judges, like the criminal classes, have their lighter moments

To get into the best society, nowadays, one has either to feed people, amuse people, or shock people - that is all!