If you don't know what sex is before you're 21 you're going to have a problem and should go to your psychiatrist.

I live in a 9 million dollar turd.

I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.

I'm dyslexic, I have attention-deficit disorder, and I've got something like a hereditary tremor.

There are no unsavable souls.

They said I would never write this book. Well, f**k ’em – ’cos here it is. All I have to do now is remember something... Bollocks. I can’t remember anything.

I’m a lunatic by nature, and lunatics don’t need training – they just are.