You've got to have something to retire to. Something you always wanted to do but your job prevented it.

I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.

Mental wounds not healing, who and what's to blame. I'm going off the rails on a crazy train.

I love my wife. We've had a few slings and arrows across the room, but I'm not prepared to give in, you know? People say she saved my life, but at the same time, I saved her life, as well, I think. She's a great mother, she's a great wife, she's a great worker, she's a great manager. She's just great.

When you're young, you're stupid. You do silly things.

I feel joy when I do a great show.

Do you want me crucified for my profanity?