I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight.

It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.