From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

the ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments

Golf is the Great Mystery.

The test of a great golfer is his ability to recover from a bad start.

As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.

Employers are like horses — they require management.