Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

Flowers are happy things.

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

The only thing that prevented a father's love from faltering was the fact that there was in his possession a photograph of himself at the same early age, in which he, too, looked like a homicidal fried egg.