Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

As a result of that, and as a result of friendship, I don't think we've ever been competitive. I mean, there's probably a very good reason Hunter [S. Thompson] isn't jealous of me.

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something really expensive had been dropped and shattered in heaven - God's Steuben ashtray, maybe.

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.