Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids.