Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

The Vietnamese Hoa were merchants and manufacturers. They were very successful and thus, according to the logic of Marxism, responsible for society's failures. The Hoa suffered the same fate as the pizza parlour in Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing except at the hands of the world's fourth largest army instead of a small, petulant movie director.

In the American political system, you're only allowed to have real ideas if it's absolutely guaranteed that you can't win an election

Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.