The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is "America's ex-wife."

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

What about snipers?" I once asked someone. He said, "Oh, most of the snipers have automatic weapon. They arent very accurate.

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.