Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

The morning meal was served in traditional socialist fashion - very slowly, with the courses out of order so that the jelly arrived half an hour after the toast and the coffee didn't come until we'd called for the check. However, it was hard to be angry at a place that had ice cream, beer, and cigarettes on its breakfast menu.

Commies love concrete.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.