A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher.

Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time.

I didn't realize what fun it was [ been a reporter].

Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe.

Especially with a magazine like Lampoon, which was very dependent on newsstand sales. Our readers didn't usually occupy the same address long enough to get a subscription, because they were in college, or they were hippies. So it was very up-and-down, and we had to calculate how many to print, which was always sort of a headache from a business point of view.

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.