France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15 we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.

Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

I always thought there was some romance to that '30s leftist stuff, even though I'm a Republican.

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.