Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

It is a law of governance that democracies have to spend themselves dizzy. Citizens of democracies can, after all, tell their government to give them things.

The Harvard Lampoon itself, which had a pretty stellar run in the '60s.

Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20 humorists together.

When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."