Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

If you spend seventy-two hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter.

Self-interest leads to honing your skills, the better to trade with.

The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying

The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.