The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.

There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.

A cocktail party is what you call it when you invite everyone you know to come over to your house at six p.m., put cigarettes out on your rug, and leave at eight to go somewhere more interesting for dinner without inviting you.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.