If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

The question nowadays is not what makes government work. The question is how do we make it stop.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to help."

My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead.

Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

Any random group of thirty Vietnamese women will contain a dozen who make Julia Roberts look like Lyle Lovett.