In general, life is better than it has ever been, and if you think that, in the past, there was some golden age of pleasure and plenty to which you would, if you were able, transport yourself, let me say one single word : Dentistry.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.

Fretting about overpopulation, is a perfect guilt-free - indeed, sanctimonious - way for "progressives" to be racists.

In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.

Russian cars are silly. They look like imports drawn by a cartoonist for a UAW newsletter.