Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort Sahl, Paul Krassner... If you put Lenny together with Mad magazine and run it through the brain of a college student, you get National Lampoon.

How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.