Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns a pair of white shoes.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power.

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.

This going on and on about how terrible a carbon-based economy is, these people are full of crap. They don't know what they're talking about. Their motives are not necessarily good just because they say they are being good. It's peace, love, and understanding. To which I can just say, "Shut up." Human liberty, rule of law, and free markets fix this stuff. It isn't necessary to go around being the Mia Farrow of the ecosphere.