I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not entitlement. An entitlement is what people on welfare get, and how free are they? It's not an endlessly expanding list of rights - the "right" to education, the "right" to food and housing. That's not freedom, that's dependency. Those aren't rights, those are the rations of slavery - hay and a barn for human cattle.

Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.

Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

In the wake of Animal House, the stock briefly and quite wrongly shot up. So I love that movie.

In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job.

A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and not enough cocktails.