I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

The Lampoon started in 1970, and I began writing freelance for them around the end of 1971, and then all through '72. They hired me in '73, and I left early in '81. I did everything from low puns to being editor-in-chief.

The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around.

You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.