Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

Hunter S. Thompson brings a lunatic genius to ordinary events, and I bring an ordinary sensibility to lunatic events.

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

I'm not guaranteeing what we come up with will be better for the planet. There is ethanol, for instance, which actually nets out with more pollution at greater expense, and more harm to the environment than petroleum, but we'll come up with something.