If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.

There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed.... Trouble doesn't come from Slopes, Kikes, Niggers, Spics or White Capitalist Pigs; it comes from the heart.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system

Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay?"

[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.