Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it's over.

The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.