Politicians are wonderful people as longa as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

People love to be told what they know already. It's not so much that what they say is wrong, though Ann Coulter does seem to be completely crazy.