Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.

To really enjoy drugs you've got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are harder to get out of than others. This is the drug-taking problem for adults. Teenage Weltscbmerz is easy to escape. But what drug will get a grown-up out of, for instance, debt?

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?

The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.