I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

The question nowadays is not what makes government work. The question is how do we make it stop.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.