The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.