The Lampoon started in 1970, and I began writing freelance for them around the end of 1971, and then all through '72. They hired me in '73, and I left early in '81. I did everything from low puns to being editor-in-chief.

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

Adam Smith's huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.

Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15 we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher.