In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again.

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they guillotined all the smart people in 1793.

Satire doesn't effect change.

The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'.