I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer.

I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked "What's the big idea?" knows, most big ideas are bad ones.

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

I bought my first house because of Animal House.

When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.