I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer.

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.

The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

Lampoon ran out of steam in the early '80s, and wasn't able to reinvent itself because it ran out of talent. People who wanted to do this kind of stuff could suddenly make $100,000 in Hollywood right out of college.

That happy sense of purpose people have when standing up for a principle they haven't really been knocked down for yet.