I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer.

So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the Republicans do. Neither of them stands for anything they believe in, anyway.

I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy.

Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital.

And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we're careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.

When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger.