When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .

Apparently Bolivia is the key source of lithium in the world. So we're gonna trade the Saudis for the Bolivians.

We'll run this planet as we please, and if you don't like it, go back where we came from.

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

Normally, the job sucks but work is kinda fun, because you see your friends and flirt with girls and stuff.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer.