The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth - pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What's more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character.

The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

I like to take things that are boring-but-important and try to make them interesting. That was definitely what I was after with Eat The Rich.

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.