What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.

Jesse Jackson was spending time with his family, or families.

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. And everything that isn't fun is dangerous too. It's impossible to be alive and safe.

If you get outside the world of show business and its satellites, there's a whole world of car nuts in the Los Angeles area.

I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you?