I was never in the office [of Rolling Stone]. It was very different from Lampoon, where we spent a lot of time together socially, which is to say "drunk."

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners - two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.

I didn't realize what fun it was [ been a reporter].

What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?