I was never in the office [of Rolling Stone]. It was very different from Lampoon, where we spent a lot of time together socially, which is to say "drunk."

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.

I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.

A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.