In the wake of Animal House, all of us at the Lampoon had a lot of Hollywood opportunities. We could definitely get people to return phone calls.

A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.