Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Politicians are wonderful people as longa as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital.